[That's pretty not-electrifying] Mr. Prezdent,

It is with a heavy heart but a sturdy and still unshaken will to power today, September 11, 1848, immediately following the Mormon Meat Mountain People's Massacre (later posited by revisionist historians to be nothing more than another "revolution" of that year so fateful in monarchist Europe but so tragic for its liberated, pious progeny) that I, Prodom "J" Freak-Love "Maniac" PR-club announce my G-d damned resignation.

Of course, there will be some, shortsighted and opportunistic scum all of them, boatguys who will twist this resignation to fit their years and years of relentless persecution in the name of some vague "gayer good" that places the well-being of a few comfortable fire-pikes above those of our nation's precious young girl's crystal tiara of maidenhead virtue tilting eternally heavenward up over the stern of our collective schooner's western sailing moral values agenda, my G-d.

My friend the Prezdent, to whom, incidentally, this letter is addressed, once told me "always forget" and I will always forget those words, mister Prezdent.

Proke-luv (First e silent, lick here!) will be the first to say, even on this, the day of his, my, resignation, that he does not endorse the physical act of lube (touch me) under any conditions save those that got us here, September the 11th, 1848, which led to my birth, some 64 years ago, which has caused me nothing but pain, Alan. Finally, I would like to thank grammar.

I will remember my wife's anti-antisemitism, my distaste for mayonnaise, and my relentless quest for the tightest close-up with the tightest briefings (bathroom stall, bottle of booze, sailor, sailor!) as testament to this, my final act of retraction.

Luff (love),

Poopclub.