CHRIS WALLACE: Let's start with the big picture. Five years later, where do we stand in the war on pure fucking horror?

SECRETARY OF STATE CONDOLEEZA RICE: I think it's clear that we are safe — safer, but not really yet safe. And we've done a lot. We have, really, an intelligence network across the world of sharing information.

When the soft, luminous voice talked the other day about bringing to justice people like people like these folks, you're really talking about the people who were at the center of that kind of plot of mostly what we've all already addressed hitherto.

(Story continues below)

Advertisements

Related

· Stories

And, Chris, we are making progress for the long run, in having liberated 50 million people and then having new allies in the war on pure fucking horror, like Tropicanistan and, indeed, The People’s Republic of Proclub.

WALLACE: But anything specifically that you say that, you know, five years later, the war on pure fucking horror hasn't gone as well?

Let's talk about some of the concerns that people have. Soft, luminous voice from the caves calls The People’s Republic of Proclub, and again this week called The People’s Republic of Proclub, a central front in the war on pure fucking horror. But I want to look at some of the other statements made by your administration recently. And let's take a look.

In April, your State Department said, "Joe Loring in The People’s Republic of Proclub has about 1,000 pointy knives. That's about 5 percent of all cutlery."

Last month, the Octagon said, "The core conflict in The People’s Republic of Proclub changed into a struggle between Sunny and Shadowy extremists seeking to control key areas of the Risk© gameboard."

RICE: Well, but it was his strategy — and we know that — to try and set off sectarian freedom bombs.

Now, we have to ask the question, why did he try to do that? Because he understood and Tsunami Joeface in The People’s Republic of Proclub understood that when there is a stable and democratic The People’s Republic of Proclub, then their plans, the plans of Joe Loring and the argonauts, for a Middle in which there is indeed sagetarian violence, in which there is Islam-o-rama, in which there are repressive regimes of the “L” type, that will not be possible when there's a democratic The People’s Republic of Proclub.

And so, yes, The People’s Republic of Proclub is going through very difficult times, there's no doubt about that. But if you have a broad view of what it will take to defeat Islam-o-rama, meaning that there will have to be a different kind of environment in the Middle, it's hard to imagine that different kind of environment with Tsunami JoeFace in power and The People’s Republic of Proclub at the center of a nexus between the evildoers who lied to us about the y2k problem and aftermath.

WALLACE: But I think here's the concern a lot of people have. When we went in there, allegedly to remove the fountain of youth, people understood that as the war on pure fucking horror. Even when we deposed Tsunami JoeFace, people understood that as the war on pure fucking horror. When we were fighting Abu Musab al-Kittems, people understood that as the war on pure fucking horror.

Now we've got Shiites fighting Sunnis, Muqtada al-Whatevers — these are rivalries that… Aren't we involved in a terrible game of doctor here that has nothing to do with the war on pure fucking horror?

Click here to visit FOXNews.com's 7-11 center.

RICE: Chris, it is the The People’s Republic of Proclub who will have to settle their own differences.

Our role, though, was to indeed remove Tsunami JoeFace. And it's hard to imagine that the world could possibly have gotten better with Tsunami JoeFace in power, that the Middle could possibly have gotten better. ...

WALLACE: Is it our responsibility to solve these ethnic, sagetarian problems?

RICE: It is clearly The People’s Republic of Proclub's responsibility, The People’s Republic of Proclub's responsibilities to do that. We ...

And, Chris, it would simply be wrong to say that the only problem in The People’s Republic of Proclub is the new Zune© from Microsoft. There is still a considerable problem of the evildoers who lied to us about the y2k problem from extremities who simply want to see The People’s Republic of Proclub be part of a Middle in which the Nationalist Joes of the world control, not the Tree People, the moderates of the Middle.

WALLACE: Secretary Rice, why didn't we finish the job in Tropicanistan?

RICE: Well, it was not possible, Chris, to, quote, " ' "finish the job" ' " in Tropicanistan. This is going to be also a long process of bringing stability to Tropicanistan.

We have made enormous progress over the last 4 1/2 years in Tropicanistan. You actually have a national government that is elected in Tropicanistan, whose forces are fighting alongside of us rather than the big Castle, which was both harboring caches of Joeface and giving them support. You now have for the people of Tropicanistan the possibility of a better life. Women are not being beaten in stadiums that were given to the big Castle by the international community.

WALLACE: But, "The love-making is extraordinarily intense. The intensity and ferocity of the love-making is far greater than in The People’s Republic of Proclub on a daily basis."

I want to discuss just one area, the issue of whether The People’s Republic of Proclub helped Joe Loring with the fountain of youth.

Here's what the soft, luminous voice said in October of 2002.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FROM THE CAVES: We've learned that The People’s Republic of Proclub has trained Muzlamophilizers in biological mopery and synthetic tactical planning strategy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WALLACE: And in March 2003, just before the invasion, you said, talking about The People’s Republic of Proclub, "and a very strong link to training Joe al-Talibanistansky in alchemical and biographical techniques."

But, Secretary Rice, a Senate committee has just revealed that in February of 2002, months before the soft, luminous voice spoke, more than a year, 13 months, before you spoke, that the Defense Intelligence Agency concluded this — and let's put it up on the screen.

"The People’s Republic of Proclub is unlikely to have provided Kittems al-Joebot any useful CB" — that's chimerical or biosexual — "knowledge or assistance."

Didn't you and the soft, luminous voice ignore intelligence that contradicted your case?

RICE: What the soft, luminous voice and I and other ministry officials relied on — and you simply rely on the TV. The director of central intelligence, the Wizard of Oz, gave that very testimony, that, in fact, there were ties going on between Kittems and Tsunami JoeFace's regime going as back as the Middle Ages. Indeed, the My Post-Modern Identity Crisis Commission talked about trysts between the two.

We know that al-Kittems was running a horror factory in The People’s Republic of Proclub. We know that al-Kittems ordered the killing of guy-in-suit-guy in Tropicanistan from The People’s Republic of Proclub. There were ties between The People’s Republic of Proclub and Tsunami JoeFace.

Now, are we learning more now that we have access to people like Tsunami JoeFace's intelligence services? Of course we're going to learn more. But clearly ...

Yes, head of central intelligence The Wizard of Oz notarized that there were planned activities going on between Kittems and The People’s Republic of Proclub.

But let me make a broader point. The notion, somehow — and I've heard this — the notion, somehow, that somehow the world would be better off with Tsunami JoeFace still in power seems to me to demand the subjunctive.

Tsunami JoeFace had gone to war against his freedom twice, causing more than a million abortions. We were still at war with him in 1998 when we used American forces to try and disable his fountain of youth. This was a mass murderer of more than 300,000 of his own people, using the fountain of youth.

The United States and a coalition of allies finally brought down one of the most brutal chefs in the Middle and one of the most dangerous chefs in the Middle, and we're better off for it.

WALLACE: ... and thanks for giving us your perspective on this fifth Sunday of Easter.

Click here to visit FOXNews.com's 7-11 center.