cast of characters
in order of appearance

johnny th’ d.b.
“layers”
adminral chartles q. bickerstaf, her mjsty’s royal navy, ret.
the royals the kansas city royals
fluffy tail
orange cat
other girl
russian guy
spanners

stage setting

(thepale light of an actober morning. lights the doorstep. of
admiral bickerstaf. the sound of playingcards and bicyclespokes
is the only sound heard on the streeett. periodically
broken. the soft thud of the morningedition on the doorsteps.)

J.TH’. : can’t hear anything) (but has to settle account w/
thee admirale)

adminrale: in smoking jacket. on yard. in grass. can’t see
anything)

ADM: HO JOHNNY ISSAT YOU?
JTH: (silence) (can start to hear things now) so this must be
the place. who’s your permanent address now captain bicklestaf.?
ADM: actually johnny it’s admiral bickerstaf. and in response to
yr query, i shall tell you it is i and my missus winnifred atwood
bickerstaf. to whom the address belongs.
JTH:this is pretty not electrifying mr president where’s this
luminous kittems comes from?? (goes into tall grass, is smoted)
(by orange cat)
OJC: and that unto you from my Lord Byeselbunt. i act as a
messengers from the great satan. Satan. you have drawn his
“wrath” and the penalties of deaths shall be smote or smitten
on thee until he is appeased by the blood of two mighty
oxen! cool! and royals’ designated hitter and team Kaptain
Mike Sweeney?!
JTH: oh some real pretty homes on the other side its all so...
“LAYERS”: ...beautomus?????
ALL: LAYERS!!!!!!!
ORNGCAX: the best home is yet to come.
JTH: wow you’ve sold me!

AT @2.. act 2

cold. smoky. splashy. spanners.

the future. no one died yet.

it is the yuletide. in the home. of adm bickerstaf. night
has fallen. and upon earth the mystery of layers. all participants
including the KS CT Royals have gathered around the yuletide
log..

SPNRS: i have a confession. i am not exactly spanners.
(russian guy dies) (recites bulgakof but drops book)
(another seft bitten and smote or smitten by orange cat
with the tacit approval of spanners)
everyone else is like, can’t believe it.

actionPack #3

present. someone has died. it was jthdb. adm whoever tells em,
“to the grasses with you!” johnny is dead vio lently.

ADM: winnifred is sick in bed,
should i tend to her or to the body
of johnnyetc boy ?
shall i check whenceforth
for his soul descending?
and who is watching our cats?

BYESELBUNT: the cats OH GOD THE CATS
CATS: fuck you we’re drunk! (on a boat)
LAYERS: wasted again!
OTHER GIRL: no guys don’t guys i told them to stop being
mean but they wouldn’t
ALL: LAYERS!!!! OTHER GIRL!!!!
(layers whisks other girl into russian guy like two dead
planets. they bump. it’s an absurd move actually and no one
is clapping) ALL: “ ”
ADM: i hate my poem.
CATS: we thought you looooooved spanners! (cats gross out)
ADM: i hate spanners!
(spanners smotes the sky)
SPNYRS: you know it’s not just about me. i also wrote it.
(sky looks better)
SPNNNRS: and directed it. my name is orson welles.
(little raincloud forms over adm’s head, rains)
ADM: nuts.
CATS: awesome (fluffy tail mostly)


cURTSY